In 2015, I was diagnosed with Betrayal Trauma (or SAIT) and Complex PTSD. In the charismatic Christian community, we identify ourselves as overcomers. We take authority over the spiritual realm and declare victory over all sorts of schemes of the enemy and its manifestations.
But there I was, ashamed and completely blindsided by my perceived inability to overcome the grief and trauma that overwhelmed me after "D-day." The moment my (then) husband confessed adultery that spanned over three decades, something changed inside me, and I felt powerless. My heart felt utterly shattered.
Up to that point, I thought I had lived a victorious life even though I was well-acquainted with significant pain and trauma. I was once described as a "Modern Day Job" at a speaking engagement. But this was different, because the one person that I thought was my best friend, had loved immensely, defended fiercely, depended on, and trusted with my life had violated my trust in the most devastating way. Interesting to me, it wasn't the physical acts of adultery that were as soul-shattering as the realization that the person I thought loved me had actually spent decades lying to me and deceiving me in order to conceal his secret life. Suddenly, my entire life felt like one big lie, a joke, and the joke was on me. Does my story resonate?
My life was instantly divided into two parts; before the confession and after it. This is Betrayal Trauma.
I became consumed with shame and distrust of everyone. Without warning, I couldn't trust the one person in my life I thought I could trust. I felt very vulnerable and unsafe. So, I cocooned with the Lord for a long time. He was the One with whom I felt safest, and I began to ask Him many questions. Some of those questions were about what was happening to me: "Have I gone crazy?" and "How do I get the 'old me' back?" And the Lord began to teach me about how my soul, including my identity, had been shattered by Betrayal Trauma.
When the Lord revealed what was happening to me, I had hope that Jesus would restore me, even though my feelings were telling me that I was never going to be ok.
If your heart is shattered from Betrayal Trauma, I pray that what I share next gives you hope too!
Isaiah 61:1 says, "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners."
In Isaiah 61:1, the Hebrew word for broken is "shabar," which means shattered or crushed. The Hebrew word for heart is "leb," which refers to our soul, which is comprised of our mind, will, and emotions. Our identities reside within our souls. So, if God defines trauma as a shattered soul, it makes sense that our identity, mind,
will, and emotions feel shattered when we are traumatized.
I am not a Biblical scholar, but my personal study reveals that a person's soul can be shattered (brokenhearted) from the sins of another "Lev Shavur" or from one's own sin "Lev Nishbar." Now, this is where it gets really amazing! According to Isaiah 61 and Luke 4:17-21, Jesus binds up (puts back together) our shattered souls! He provides freedom for the captives (those who are brokenhearted from the sin of others "Lev Shavur"), and release from darkness for the prisoners (those who are brokenhearted from their own sin "Lev Nishbar")!
This is such good news! Your freedom is here!
Jesus will put your shattered heart back together!
He put my shattered heart back together and crowned me with joy!
My hope for this blog is to empower you with God's truth so that:
~ you experience God's immense love for you.
~ your shattered soul is put back together.
~ you will see yourself through God's eyes.
~ you are set free and empowered for Kingdom living.
~ you have hope that you will be Crowned With Joy!
"Those the LORD has rescued will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away."